Set Fire to the Rain
by AcousticMemory
Summary: Some burns never fade over time, not matter how hard you try to make them go away... Bernadette Mataki/Victor Hoffman. T for language and mentions of adult situations. Recently refinished with some added content.


Set Fire To The Rain

Acoustic Memory

Disclaimer: I do not own the Gears of War series and I don't make my money off of it.

A/N: Yes. Another songfic. I think this is only my third, and I don't make a habit out of it. But the song and the scenario in my head was way too good to pass up. Hopefully this will work as well as the last one I did. This all starts taking place roughly 40-some years in the past of the game by the way. It skips through time, in case that's not apparent.

7/2013: I recently added to this changing the word count from 3,085 to 4,530

_**I let it fall, my heart,  
>And as it fell you rose to claim it<br>It was dark and I was over  
>Until you kissed my lips and you saved me<strong>_

Bernie had never had much interest in men; she was too busy outdoing them in every way. She was one of the best snipers of her generation, she had been told. The only reason she had ever joined the military was because some asshole of a recruiter said women made shit for snipers. Bernie never could turn down a challenge and five years later she was pretty sure she had never made a better choice in her life. At least she was doing something worthwhile with her time; she could never be the farmer her parents wanted her to be. It felt good to be a part of something, and a very important part it seemed. She had already been placed in charge of instructing her squad-mates in the art of survival off of the land. It was what her Islander tribe had been the best at doing. Already a sergeant, Bernie wasted no time in taking what leadership positions she could get. It wasn't that she was an overachiever; she just wanted to throw it in the face of anyone who ever doubted her worth.

Over time, other squads were sent to her for training in the survival, as missions that ended with squads needing to be independent were becoming more frequent than anyone liked. It was hard to get supplies to some of the more distant places, places that were being cut off from the rest of the COG, and there were far too many of those. The Indies were starting to get smarter. It was Bernie's job to give the boys all they needed to make it through a week without any supplies, sometimes longer. While Bernie wished that they didn't need to go at all without those supplies, she recognized the necessity.

Most guys did fairly well. Well, good enough for young city boys with no more experience killing a chicken than a newborn babe. Every now and then a guy would pop up that impressed her, though few would ever survive more than two weeks out in the wild… One man in her unit had stood out to her fairly quickly; Corporal Victor Hoffman. He had had no hesitation and didn't waste a bite of the chicken, unlike some of his squad mates. While it helped that his squad was starving from the latest round of training, many guys were still too squeamish about things like that. He didn't give a damn, he knew he needed the food more than the dead chicken needed its guts. She found herself taking a shining to him, as dangerous as her heart told her that was. Expectations were that she would go back home and marry after her 'adventure' as her brother had called it, and she didn't need to have loose ends in the military… then again she knew damn well she wasn't leaving the army until they sacked her.

Victor was just slightly taller than her, broad shouldered and built to withstand anything. He had the usual buzz cut of the Gears, but his eyes were what got her the most; strong, honest brown eyes that had a depth to them she had seen in a few men back home. He came from a long line of frontline Gears, and it showed. She could appreciate that in a man. After all, she was a military woman. He didn't initially say much to her, other than a few questions about the berries she showed them, and about alternate ways of killing animals, where best to hit them. His curiosity made her stick out her chest a bit in pride and give him every bit of knowledge he seemed genuinely interested in having. Very few cared that much about this; everyone just assumed it was all drill and procedure, that there was no real danger of running out of supplies. This one seemed to know the threat was very real.

After a few weeks, things seemed to shift a bit in her favor. He walked right up to her, seeming a bit awkward around women, and needing to sort his thoughts before he actually said anything. He was the brutally honest type, for better or for worse. "They say you're the best at teaching Gears how to survive," he seemed to think that was a damn good compliment. To Bernie it was; there was no better compliment than someone recognizing one of her greatest skills. Knowing she had such an impact on the lives of a few of the squads made her feel worth something. It meant that the handful of lives that didn't die by getting shot, but would have died of starvation, were still around to tell the tale.

"Well, if you can't use what you don't have, you're as good as dead, my dad always said," she shrugged and cleaned up the mess they had made after another lesson. It had been another small game day, this time they had managed to hunt up some ducks and quail off of the reserve nearby. Victor bent down and helped as well, obviously wanting to say something but not able to find the words. The look on his face was pure concentration, like he was choosing what he said carefully. He was too cautious to waste his words where more than one guy stumbled and choked on what he was saying.

He was very handsome; she could easily see that out of the corner of her eye. His face was hard and set in a neutral frown, one of the more serious guys around here. She had seen him with his squad, and he could joke around and be an ass with the rest of them, but she knew he was meant for something greater than just being a simple grunt. It was then she was determined to be with him.

_**My hands, they're strong  
>But my knees were far too weak<br>To stand in your arms  
>Without falling to your feet<strong>_**  
><strong>

Dating wasn't quite the term for what they were doing; sneaking around behind their respective squad's backs when there was a lull in training or missions, having sex pretty much anywhere imaginable, or going out for dinner when they were off roster and in a decent town didn't quite qualify as 'dating' in Bernie's book. It was more like a friends-with-benefits thing in her mind, though in truth she wasn't sure what to make of their situation. After all, he wasn't the talkative type, and he rarely stayed all night. They never had the time for that… The war seemed to be getting worse just as they all thought it was getting better. Most nights were spent on the hard cold ground, or worse yet in a tent on a bunk with a bunch of guys thousands of miles away from him.

Often Bernie would go months without seeing him, but she always got a letter every week. It was never long, just telling her what was going on in his part of the war, and she always replied with the same. It was simple but necessary for both of them. Yet, somewhere in her heart she wanted it to be so much more than it felt like it was. She wanted there to be real emotions involved, not that she had any issues with the passion they shared. She felt herself falling in love a bit more every time she saw him. Whether he felt the same way or not, he never let on. There was no "Love, Victor" at the end of the letter, just his messy signature and usually a PS with how much rations sucked and how he'd kill for some of her venison stew right about then.

Every mission that went by, she couldn't wait to see him again. He was first and foremost on her mind when she landed back on home turf. Usually they met at a bar and either had a meal there, or went back to her apartment for her to cook for him. Then they'd do what they needed to do most.

Victor was amazing in bed. She never knew that anything could feel so good. It wasn't like he was her first, far from it, he was just BETTER… more patient, and affectionate. He always made sure she was happy, that she was satisfied, and she always was. He was just that good. She could never complain about anything he did, even when he seemed awkward about something. They just worked together so damn well. It was almost like they were made for each other, if Bernie believed in such things. Sure, maybe there was a "soul mate" out there for everyone, but who could ever know? She was just glad she had found someone that could understand her.

"I've never had a chance to be with a woman this long before. Most of them didn't like my career choice, and the rest of them just felt they could find better," he had told her once, something she could understand. He wasn't the romantic type exactly, and he tried to seem as emotionally detached from everything around him as possible. Most women would hate that in a man. Bernie didn't mind because she was the exact same way most of the time. It was just harder to be that way with him. Only he could draw out half the reactions that she gave when with him. They had a mutual understanding after the first year that even if they didn't express it, they did care for each other.

_**But there's a side to you  
>That I never knew, never knew.<br>All the things you'd say  
>They were never true, never true,<br>And the games you play  
>You would always win, always win.<strong>_

One hot, sunny day they managed to get together while both on leave for a couple of weeks. They tried to blow it off as just two squad mates seeing each other and hanging out, but so many unspoken things lay between them that they wanted to get figured out. While the sex and their times together were great, it was becoming harder to stay detached. Their letters were getting longer, and Bernie was missing him even more than usual. In his last letter even he had acknowledged that he needed to know where they stood before one or both of them got hurt. He didn't want to lose her.

Meeting at a bar was naturally the best choice; it was neutral, there were people there, and it was loud enough that they didn't have to start talking until they were well into their drinks. Naturally both of them could outdrink any civvie with ease. Tonight getting drunk wasn't the goal though.

"Heh, people think the war's coming to a fucking close some time soon," Vic said, staring at the TV. It was broadcasting current talks of peace treaties with UIR countries, of the war starting to come to a slow after such a big peak in fighting. They both had a couple of weeks before they needed to go back, and Bernie was hoping to keep those two weeks. "Close my ass… we've been fighting this damn war as long as my father remembers. Not going to be done any time soon. Humans are too goddamn stubborn to stop the fighting."

"Of course not, but people like to hope," Bernie shrugged and drank her beer in one gulp. It was the truth. Everyone needed hope. She was starting to lose hers, but not in the war. The war meant she had a place in the world. "Let's get out of here… I'm tired of hearing about the damn war. My apartment's not far from here…"

She had gotten the apartment so she didn't have to go all the way back to the Islands every single time she had shore leave. It was too much of a ride for her on a boat. And Bernie HATED boats more than anything in the world. Besides it was nice to have a place of her own. Vic just nodded and followed her. They sat in silence for a bit as she made them both a cup of coffee, not sure what to do with each other's presence anymore. This wasn't a regular night for them. Something hung in the air that she couldn't describe, and wasn't sure she wanted to.

"Uh… Listen… Bernie… There's… ah shit, I'm not good at this…" Vic scratched the back of his head as he sat on her couch, staring at her the same way he did the first day they met; like he had so much to say and didn't have the words to say it. He wasn't eloquent in his speech, she knew this well. His face said it all for him though, and it gave her just enough confidence to move forward.

"There's nothing more to say, Vic…" Bernie walked over to him, lightly touching his cheek and leaning down to kiss his lips. That was the real start of their relationship.

_**But I set fire to the rain,  
>Watched it pour as I touched your face,<br>Well, it burned while I cried  
>'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name<strong>_

The never said the words out loud; neither of them needed to. They both knew what hung in the air that night when they woke up the next morning together. It wasn't the only time they did that week either. He seemed more willing to spend the night now that he knew what he was feelings were returned… Bernie knew very well he didn't understand exactly how much she felt for him.

There were many issues with what they were doing. Any commanding officer in their unit could have posted them on a charge for conflict of interest. If any squad mate who knew about them had an issue there could be trouble.. but the one thing bothered her the most, the thing she wasn't sure she could get past at first, was the fact she was a married woman already.

_**When I lay with you  
>I could stay there<br>Close my eyes  
>Feel you here forever<br>You and me together  
>Nothing gets better<strong>__  
><em>

Bernie lay in bed for hours, awake but studying the sleeping face of the man she had come to love. They had officially been together for nearly a year now, and they were stable. Their relationship, that was. More stable than her and her husband had ever been. It wasn't his fault though. It was a marriage her parents had pressed upon her due to lack of grandchildren and knowing someday someone would need to take over the farm. Now they were gone and she had left the poor man with the farm to himself. She did care about him, just not as much as she loved Victor.

There really was a lull in the war it seemed. They had gotten quite a bit of time together; despite the fact she should have been heading back to Galangi on her leave to see Neal and the farm. It was her responsibility, yet she couldn't bring herself to leave Victor's arms. The couple of weeks they had spent together had been too good to her and had turned into a month.

Talking wasn't exactly a staple of the relationship, more than often they just showed each other what they meant in the different things they would do for each other. A quick kiss on the cheek, the touch of hands while passing each other that spoke more than any dictionary could hold. She had never felt so much for anything, much less one human being. She knew they would end up lasting through the years.

She loved him more than ever; still, she felt it necessary to tell him about her miserable marriage and the lack of everything she had grown to believe meant a family. She couldn't have kids. They both knew that, and it meant in a way she was useless to what her parents wanted, and what Neal supposedly wanted with her. Victor understood fully, and while it did seem to bother him at first, he knew this other man was no threat to their relationship. Obviously she preferred to spend her time with him instead of back home.

The news came quickly; attack on crucial base, they were shipping out. Hoffman's squad was sent to another part of the country to help with that effort, she was sent on a very important recon mission. They knew it would happen eventually, they just didn't realize how much it would change their world and relationship. All the sudden after the 6-month lull of getting so much time together it felt like they were being torn apart. It hurt more than Bernie would ever truly admit; the worry about never seeing him again. The war had gone from bad, to quiet, to worse all in one fell swoop.

"Be careful, Vic. You have to make it back home, you know?" she smiled and planted a kiss on his cheek as she got on the Raven that was taking her squad to their destination. It was going to be a long few months before she got to see him again, but there was little time for goodbyes. She hoped they would see each other sooner rather than later… And she hoped it would be under good circumstances…

_**'Cause there's a side to you  
>That I never knew, never knew,<br>All the things you'd say,  
>They were never true, never true,<br>And the games you play  
>You would always win, always win<strong>_

But, the circumstances weren't nearly what she wanted when he came to her apartment. She assumed he had the same one-week leave as she did, but the news he brought her threw her for a loop. He wasn't on leave at all; he had managed a late-entry to the Academy… he was going to be an officer. For most people this was great news, but for them… it was just starting to spell their doom.

"Academy? Congratulations, Vic!" Bernie smiled brightly when he gave her the news, even though his face told her it wasn't as great as she made it seem. She could feel her heart sinking into her gut slowly, though she tried not to show it. There was only one thing that him getting promoted and her not getting promoted meant. She was sure they'd get around it though; there were always ways to get around these things, right? "Lieutenant Victor Hoffman. Mmmm has a nice ring to it, actually… Come on, let's go out and celebrate!"

"Bernie, we can't be together anymore…" his voice was quiet as he stared at the wall of her living room, looking torn. It wasn't easy for him, but it was what was right. He just hoped she would recover from it, maybe go back to her husband and live out a peaceful existence. It wasn't like he had much of a choice in the matter, after all, and it was only responsible to not leave her hanging. It didn't make it any easier for him to say or her to hear. "I'm an officer; you're still enlisted… that equals a charge… That's a big risk on someone they just decided to give a chance to."

She just nodded numbly and looked at her feet, smile still plastered on her face. She wanted to fight with her entire being, she wanted to scream until he understood just what he meant to her, but she couldn't. She wouldn't ruin this for him. She didn't want to be the one to hold him back. "Yeah… you're right… What was I thinking? We can still go out for a drink together though?" she looked up at him hopefully, wanting to at least keep that civility between them. She didn't want to lose his friendship, even if she lost everything else she had gotten accustomed to. He meant more to her than just sex, and she was willing to do whatever it took to keep him around. She knew she could change his mind in time

"I… I don't think that's best right now, I have some things I have to do, paperwork to fill out and to get ready for training… I'm sorry Bernie, maybe after this is all done and over with and I'm actually in the position, we'll go out and have a good time. Drinks on me," he was already getting up and walking to the door. Every step closer he took to it, her heart cracked a little more. All he left behind him was a crater the size of Vectes Island.

_**But I set fire to the rain,  
>Watched it pour as I touched your face,<br>Well, it burned while I cried  
>'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name<strong>_

_**I set fire to the rain  
>And I threw us into the flames<br>Well, it felt something died  
>'Cause I knew that that was the last time, the last time<strong>_

Bernie wasn't one to sit around crying. She seemed to move on quickly, but it hurt deep down. She tried her best to hide it though, to not let it bother her one bit. It was a pain that was easy to cover, especially since she didn't see Victor for a while. They both still had big responsibilities, and she didn't have time to sit and wallow in her own misery. They moved her around too much for her to really know where he was at any one time. With a few months behind him, when she did see him again, she acted friendly, but nothing more, and it felt like she was really over him.

She wasn't.

She knew that the night she got drunk after finding out he had married some pretty lawyer, not but six months after their relationship had gone down the drain. That wound reopened and the only thing that seemed to at least ease the bleeding was a nice bottle of whiskey. She drank with the best of the boys even in good times. Tonight she just drowned her sorrows in the bottle and didn't even care about the circumstances at all. She was smart though; she found her way home and not with another man, and she cried herself to sleep for the first time in a long time. She didn't cry for long, but it was a mixture of frustration about Victor and the long war. She was getting older and she was getting tired of the same scenery day after day.

She had to be tougher than that, and she was, but even the strongest person had to have their little break downs, or at least that's what she told herself… She just hoped it wouldn't happen again. She would just have to congratulate him, move on with her life as always. Maybe she should just head home for a bit, spend some time trying to get to know the man she had married. Try to salvage something of what was left of her family. Life was too short to waste it away moping over someone who you couldn't have, especially the life of a Gear.

_**Sometimes I wake up by the door,  
>That heart you caught must be waiting for you<br>Even now when we're already over  
>I can't help myself from looking for you<strong>_

The years had changed them both; Bernie could see that as plain as day. It wasn't just the Locust War or the Lambent on their asses now. It was age. They were getting old. She knew that almost as well as she knew bombs went boom when you pressed the trigger. She saw it in his eyes; while he didn't look much older than his fifties, his eyes were the wary, tired eyes of the 60-year-old man he actually was. He was still just as strong and as stubborn as he had been 30 years ago, but he couldn't keep up with the boys like he used to no matter how much he denied it.

The years hadn't been kind to her either… The first night he touched her again she cringed and the memories of her rape came back without her wanting them to. Everyone knew now, and Victor was clearly pissed off about it. Yet he hadn't lost his patience and skill after all that time, a comfort she had taken much joy in after the initial memories faded. It felt like they had only been apart for months, not decades.

She wished they had never separated. They could have had a life together, and just as they found the possibility of a new life together, the damn Lambent had to ruin it all. Now all she could do was be there for him and hope like hell they would find some sort of peace together. Some days she still felt the sting of that old denial, especially when he was especially grouchy from some stupid stunt Prescott pulled and asked her to just leave him be, and even more so when he had grounded her to the base. She knew it was Hoffmanese, as everyone had dubbed his slightly complicated language, for 'I care about you too much to let you be stupid and risk your ass', but she felt like he didn't **trust** her either.

Still… Love was love… and she was still a woman very much in love. They didn't have much time left on this planet to ponder what might have been. All she knew was that he was there, and she was there, and they were together again. She didn't need to know any more than that to know that she had a good life, and that if she died tomorrow she would die happy and she wouldn't be alone.

_**I set fire to the rain,  
>Watched it pour as I touched your face,<br>Well, it burned while I cried  
>'Cause I heard it screaming out your name, your name<strong>_

_**I set fire to the rain,  
>And I threw us into the flames<br>Well, it felt something died  
>'Cause I knew that was the last time, the last time, oh, oh!<strong>__**Let it burn  
>Let it burn<br>Let it burn**_


End file.
